Just trying to figure things out ..

Lena & Elizabeth (46)Hey everyone ! Today I thought I would do a more personal post, because I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions in those last few days. Some of you may know, but I’m in France right now until this Tuesday, because I’ve been feeling really low mentally. I am now living in England far from my family, I have to do everything myself, and there are some days during which I just can’t cope with all of that anymore. This is what happened last Monday. I cried during the whole day, and I decided it was time for me to take a break, because I needed to take care of myself. I don’t want to sound like someone super emotional who can’t deal with anything. But this time I just needed to be home with my family, so I took a plane the next day to France. This is not something I’ve ever done before, so I think this was a break I seriously needed.

A lot of things are going on in my head. I’m wondering about my future, about what I want for myself. A lot has changed during the past few years. A LOT. I feel like I’ve grown fast, but sometimes I also feel like I’m 14. It is weird. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can definitely see the changes. Some are positive, some not so much. There are days when I feel like I can do anything, and some during which I feel like hiding in my room.

For the last couple of years, I’ve tried to grow confident. But will I ever be able to say « Hey, I’m confident! » ?? I doubt that. I try everyday to look like I have the control, like I can face the stress Uni is bringing every single day to me. Lately, there hasn’t been one day during which something hasn’t been stressing me out or during which I haven’t wanted to run away from everything. I’m always trying to give the best image of myself, like someone who can handle it. But what if I can’t?? What if it isn’t for me ? What if I can’t live alone, what if I can’t take care of all of that alone ? I don’t know. I’m sort of lost in all of that.

This post is going nowhere, but I just need to write about that. Maybe some will understand. Or maybe some will think I’m such an hypocrite complaining, knowing that I’m going to Uni in London, nothing less, nothing more. But what if it isn’t that great ?

Because yes, I’m not satisfied with it. Because sometimes I feel like it is a pure waste of time. Because sometimes I want to scream and say « Hey, I’m not a pro, so please help me, I think you’re here for that ».

I don’t know really. Am I the only one to be so confused at the moment? I just don’t know what to do ..

I’ll speak to you all soon, have a great day. Liz.

 

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2 réponses à “Just trying to figure things out ..

  1. Je comprend tout à fait ce que tu dis. Je suis en train de finir ma 2ème année de BTS esthétique et j’ai TOUJOURS voulu faire une école de maquillage. Maintenant, que c’est là, à ma portée, j’ai juste peur. Peur d’aller vivre toute seule à Paris, même si d’un autre côté je ne pense qu’à ça. Peur de sortir de mes zones de conforts. Peur de perdre mes amis. J’en suis à me demander si je veux bien continuer dans le maquillage. Bien sûr ! Je pense qu’on est juste à des tournants dans nos vies et ils faut se pose tranquillement pour réfléchir. Qu’est ce que je veux vraiment faire ? Est-ce que je me vois travailler là dedans plus tard ? ..
    A la rentrée, au lieu de commencer ma formation de maquillage, je vais sûrement travailler 1 ans, pour justement me payer la formation. Ca me laisse encore un an pour être vraiment sûre sûre sûre aussi.

    Tu es toute seule à Londres, j’avoue que ça ne doit pas être facile tous les jours. Loin de tout le monde. Même si tu parles anglais tu ne dois pas te sentir « chez toi » .. enfin c’est que je ressentirais, je pense.
    Bref, j’aurai pu écrire en anglais, mais on est dimanche matin .. la flemme. J’espère que tu ne m’en voudras pas 😉
    Bon courage pour la suite 🙂

  2. Life is made of moments of trials, of growth and when they happen we all seem lost and unable to cope with them. Afterwards, we realize that it was through them that we have gained the necessary confidence to go on and we have built our personality.
    Don’t beat yourself because you have a moment of weakness or because you felt like taking a break – we all have those moments.
    Now it is important for you to pull yourself together (it depends on you) and decide which way to go. The most difficult part is making the choice, then you will have to deal with the consequences (like you are doing now in this new life) but the former choice will always be your strenght throught those darks moments. Make up your mind and be consistent to your vision no matter how things look and appear in your life. Stick to it!

    Tough moments come and GO; but tough people stay. Don’t shrink back, because there is a price to pay for a worthliving life – but in the end it’s all worth it (:

    Hope you will find strenght to go on and hold on to see those better days that are approaching, as long as you decide to walk towards them one step a time. Time one day at time and you will see how fast time flies and how you’ll have ended up going.
    Look at your past and at your present: you are strong enough to do it, so start believing in yourself and your life will catch up with that.

    Have a nice day! (:

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